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8:54 a.m.
2004-05-03
Group Fear, or Something Else Entirely?
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that today is going to be a repeat of last Monday. I'm already crying, I'm already wishing I could just go home and never have to come back. I'm already thinking about things that I could never do, but wonder what would happen nonetheless.
I'm wondering if it's some sort of group thing, like being so afraid of being in a group or something like that that I get physically frightened and don't want to be there. I know I'd rather be going home at 3 today rather than getting ready to go to Anime Club tonight, but I wonder if that's just because I have so much to do still, or if it's something deeper. It makes me wonder if I'm anywhere near qualified to be president next year, if I'm having thoughts like this.
But it might not be that at all. It might be something that I don't know what it is (I hate that sentence, but I don't know how to better phrase it at this hour). I just have this sinking feeling that today and tonight is going to turn out just like last week did, and I won't be able to function again. And I have to be able to function. I hated myself last week for not being able to pull myself together and do what needed to be done. I don't want to hate myself again.
But that's become so much of the norm that I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again.
Quote for the Day: "And the reason is you..." --"The Reason" by Hoobastank