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12:40 p.m.
2004-04-16
Independence Rant
I don't think I've ever made the claim that I'm truly independent. I'd like to think that I was, but I know I'm not. But I have been trying. I've paid my own tuition since Winter '03. I do my own financial aid forms, and I did my taxes on my own (mostly) for the first time this year. I make my own doctor's appointments, I run my own errands, I cook my own meals, I do my own laundry...the list of apparent independentness goes on.
But I look at some of those things, and I know I still have a bit of a way to go. I make those appointments, but my mother's insurance pays for them. I run those errands and do that laundry, but it's usually with Dad's car, and Dad's laundry, which means he pays for that. Since I'm not driving much this quarter, I don't pay for gas anymore, nor for repairs on the now clunker that my brother and I have been kind of sharing. I'm on my way, but I obviously still have a long way to go.
I have no intention of leaving my father's house until I am done with undergrad, unless of course he tells me to leave or he moves. I don't plan to buy my own car anytime soon. Some people might see either of these as not taking the extra step, and I agree with them to a point. I'm trying to be independent, but I know I'm not quite ready to get out into the world yet on my own. I thought I was ready to, and was all set to get out and get an apartment and be ready to be on my own, but I know now that I'm not. I still panic when bills come and I have just enough to pay them. I still don't quite know how to save money very well. I still like only having to work one job to get by, and don't want to have to work two jobs to scrape by if I had my own place or whatever. I know I'm just not ready for it.
But I'm working towards it, and I'll keep working towards it. I only ask for money in emergencies, and I get by when I run out. I take responsibility for stuff I do regarding school, work, finances, whatever, even if I really don't want to. I know that I'm at that point in my life where such things have to be done, so I guess I'll just have to do them. I know I owe a lot to my parents, my friends, the rest of my family, and hopefully, in the future, I'll be able to repay them in more ways than one, when I'm truly out there in the world, being the independent person everyone strives to be.
Quote for the Day: "Men say they love independence in a woman, but they don't waste a second demolishing it brick by brick." --Candice Bergen