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12:38 p.m.
2004-04-05
Recurring Thoughts and Fears
Last Thursday, I both looked forward to and dreaded going to Todd Parker's Classical Mythology course. The reason is pretty stupid, and I'm not going to go into it now.
But he got into the lecture, which was about Hesiod's description of the creation of the universe and the gods and the various races of people, and because I knew most of it already, my mind wandered. Because death was part of what was discussed, I started thinking about it, and got really scared.
When I was younger, I'd think about those things in life that you know you kinda can't avoid, like sex, giving birth, and death, and I'd get absolutely terrified. I didn't ever want to have sex, thinking that it would be painful and it was just weird thinking that penile/vaginal penetration would ever be enjoyable. Then, giving birth frightenend me because of the pain involved once again, and what if something went wrong? I don't have good luck as it is. And then there's death, the one thing in life you can never know about, 'cause who can tell you? On Thursday, I had started thinking about getting old, and what would happen if I got sick when I was old, and spent my last days in a bed, in dire pain and suffering before I died. I was more scared about the dying part than anything else.
I HATE not knowing what I'm getting in to, but I'm not usually frightened about it. But Thursday, while Todd talked about the sky fucking the earth, I realized I was afraid of death, and everything that went with it. It was one of the most interesting experiences of my life.
Quote for the Day: "To die will be an awfully big adventure." --Aristotle