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7:57 a.m.
2003-10-10
Panic Attack Turned Good
I had to pay my huge phone bill yesterday. It was then that I found out that my next phone bill is almost 100 USD more than it should be, and I have no idea why. o.o I should get the call log this weekend, so we'll find out what caused it.
But knowing that I'd have no money for the next week, as well as no money to pay my tuition soon caused me to go into panic mode. Panic mode is upsetting and scary for all involved. Panic mode isn't like panicking for real, like freaking out and running in circles. It's sitting and crying and thinking that nothing will ever change, that nothing will ever get better, and that everything is my fault. I had several people in chat trying to explain to me that I'm not the only one going through financial issues, and that it would get better, but on panic mode, that doesn't mean anything to me. It just makes me feel worse, 'cause other people are going through the same thing as me. It caused Lowell to leave the loop, come to LP and listen to me cry, and then go back to the loop for class. It caused me to skip my last two casses of the day.
But it also did something good. It caused me to think a lot about how my life is shaping up this year. I want to be able to only have one job this year, so I can finish up school. I want to have an apartment. I want to finish school with good grades, a good GPA, and a diverse course listing. Hedonistic stuff is going to have to go on the back burner. I've known I've had to do this for a while, but now, it's really coming down hard. Some stuff will have to be scrapped, but it will all be worth it. When I can walk into a place I can call my own, sit down and do my homework in that place, have people over, and say, "Hey, come to my apartment", I know I'll feel like I've accomplished something.
I've been able to do stuff like this before. I know I can do it again.
Quote for the Day: "I'm olivizing your sink. Definite olivization." --Brett (I miss Subway sometimes...)