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8:44 a.m.
2003-09-30
Reflections on Slacker-ness
So I'm supposed to be in history right now. Obviously, I'm not, and just as obviously, I'm not bothered by this. I should be, since it's the last absence I can take without worrying about my grade suffering, but I'm not. I should be doing something fun, since I am ditching, like reading more of the not-school book I'm re-reading (Dune: House Corrino, for anyone who cared), or spending my last three or four dollars on breakfast at Clark's (mmm...eggs...), but I'm not.
I'm not even doing anything productive. I'm not working on the essays that I need to read so I can write my paper for the ditched History class so that I can go out tomorrow night, if the option does arise. I'm not finishing the reading I never finished for Middle English, nor am I getting ahead of myself in Restoration Brit Lit. Sure, it's only about 9 AM CST, and I still have until 1:30 to do pretty much whatever I want, but I'm not.
I could go to the loop and visit Lowell. I could leave a note in Sarah's locker, asking her to meet up with me later. I could text Sue or Diane, see if they wanted to go for a walk, get some food, do something. But I don't. I sit here, at my computer, feeling like a nuisance to those two people I'm talking to (and i'm not even talking to them--one is busy being responsible, and the other is in the shower), and type out this crap. What the fuck is wrong with me.
I'm so paranoid lately, running around with a guilty conscience about something I shouldn't be feeling guilty about. I always feel bad for something or another, am always apologizing for this or that thing, and spend more time being upset than being happy, when really, I do have so much to be happy for.
...and I just let this entry sit for an hour before actually updating it. I am such a moron. >< I'm going to go now while I still have some shred of dignity.
Quote for the Day: "Curse you, old man!" --Lowell yelling at his dad