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9:27 p.m.
2003-08-09
Feelings on a Saturday
There's so much to write, but so little time, in all honesty. Besides, I'd never be able to put all my feelings to words the way I want to.
There was a part of the day where I was doing rather well. I was with people I like, being amused and seeing things I haven't seen in a while or haven't ever seen. I ate food I'd never dreamed I'd eat, and enjoyed it. I heard so many stories, it was amazing. And I'm glad that I got to share that experience with a good friend, though I know it could have been better for her. Sorry if things were uncomfortable or whatever.
Then there was a part of the day where I was so angry, I was seeing red. I was ranting someone out in my head, barely able to think, and near tears with anger. I haven't been that angry in quite a while. I get upset a lot, but rarely ever angry. It was a rather interesting and almost frightening experience.
Then, after confronting the problem in precisely the wrong way, my brain went down a path I wish it hadn't. I haven't waxed suicidal myself in months, but it came to light again. I wonder if it's a problem, or if I'm just being overdramatic. In this situation, I'm 99 percent sure I was. But when one hates themself as badly as I did earlier, it's one of the options that tends to come to mind.
I'm a coward. I'll admit it. That's why I'm still alive.
Quote for the Day: "So you like it when I squeeze things?" --Psycho