Avi's Diary Thingy - ver. 15 - Let That City Take You In...

6:54 p.m.
2002-03-12
Brain Flashes

I've come to a few realizations about myself this week. I'm just kind of surprised I didn't see them before. Someone said a few of these things last Friday in the chat, and I denied them, but have come to realize that he was right.

I am cruel. I am uncaring. I am heartless. I am selfish. I am harsh. I am hateful.

I don't take people's feelings into consideration anymore. In starting to put me first more, I've left behind the people that I claim to love and care for.

I say and do hateful things, and don't think about what people might feel by doing and saying them. I don't realize that my words have more impact than anything as of late.

I rattle on and on about things that people don't care about and are sick of hearing, and then don't listen when they have something to say.

I try to blame people for things that I'm doing. And in doing so, I hurt them deeply.

I don't give people enough attention. Sure, I think I do, but it really isn't enough.

I string people on, making them think that nothing is wrong, when really there is.

I lie. I hate it when I lie.

I used to have good qualities. I was reminded of them every day. But I feel those qualities somewhere in the back of my persona right now, not at the front, and because of this, I cause eternal pain.

I don't want to hurt the people I love. It's the last thing I want to do. Yet I end up doing it constantly.

I will try to change. I hate myself for being like this. I'm surprised that anyone can truly love me anymore.

I can only ask for your forgiveness if you do still love me. There's not much else I can do. Because I still love you, come what may.

Quote for the Day: "Whisper words of wisdom, let it be." --The Beatles, "Let it Be"

take you in :: spit you out