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8:46 a.m.
2002-02-28
Buses and Men
There's a saying I once read--I think it was in Unafraid of the Dark--that really struck me both funny and profound at the same time. It goes a little something like this: There are two things you should never run for--a bus and a man. There's always another one coming. The funy part hit me first, 'cause it's one of those snicker comments. But then--and just now, for some God unknown reason--I thought a little more about it.
It does make perfect sense. The buses more or less always run (especially in Chicago), so why kill yourself trying to catch one? Another will be along within about fifteen minutes or so. If you're going to stress out about something, make it important, like health or family or friends or a research paper (grr...). Same thing with men--there's plenty of them out there. Why kill yourself trying to catch a specific one, especially if you're young? It shouldn't be something to stress over. One should play the field, check out the options, see what they like and don't like, and wait to do anything permenant until they're older.
Don't start screaming "hypocrite" yet, because simply because I say this does not mean I necessarily believe it. For me, there's things standing in the way, the biggest one being lateness. I despise being late for anything, even by a few minutes. Usually, I leave the house with the intention of catching a bus at a specific time, which will get me where I need to be precisely when I need to be there. If I leave a few minutes later, and miss that bus, I'm screwed, even if it's only in my head. Therefore, although the next will be along in approximately fifteen minutes (more or less, depending on the time of day), I still run, and usually nearly kill my lungs in the process (I really need to fix that somehow).
And, now that I look at it, it's the same thing with an intimate relationship. I don't want to be late or miss out on the right one, the one that will ultimately make me the happiest. I chase after love, even when it doesn't seem prudent or even right sometimes, just so I don't miss out on the right thing. But the ultimate problem there is that I don't know what the right thing is yet. There are options out there, several I know of, several I don't, but what I do know for certain is that I don't know which is the right one, not yet. And I don't want to chase the wrong man any more than I want to chase the wrong bus.
Please do not take this the wrong way. I'm not making any decisions on my life just yet. I'm trying to figure out what I truly need. I know what I need in an intimate relationship--I'd list them now, but I don't feel like it, and besides, it'd be fruitless, anyway--and that's what I need to find. I know there's someone out there for me somewhere, because in my true romantic type lifestyle, I believe that everyone has someone out there. What I need to figure out--and it will take some time--is whether I've met that person already in one capacity or another, or if the time has not yet come. We shall see.
Quote for the Day: "Oh, the insanitary!" --Eddy, posing as Edd