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10:01 a.m.
2001-09-13
Fear
So it's two days later. The fear still remains.
Actually, for me, the fear has only worsened. Tuesday and Wednesday were days of sorrow, tears, and prayer. On Tuesday, as I was leaving campus, Rhonda Young, a girl I went to high school with, stopped me and said that there was going to be an emergency prayer service at the school's church, but I decided to go to Evanston instead (and a good thing, too, because Mom, Hans, and Sarah were worried sick that I was going to go back to Beverly, through downtown). But as I stood on the platform, waiting for either the Red or Purple line to whisk me away from the possible danger, I simply knelt down, in front of God and everyone else, and prayed. I ran through my usual rote of prayers, then prayed for all whose lives had been lost, and for all those who would die over the next few days. On Wednesday, when I got home from school, CNN was listing preliminary deaths from the planes. On one of the WTC planes (AA 11 I think) there was a two year old and her mother, and a four year old and her family. Two years old. I have a friend who has a two year old daughter. She had no idea what was going on, and she will never know anything else. It still moves me to tears. Watching that, along with those people who were in their twenties who were killed--just starting their adult lives--caused the grief to overflow, and I cried for most of the afternoon.
The fear began last night and today. The government speaks only of retribution, as do many, including Hans. Lauren Cronin said that if they reinstated the draft, and drafted women (which they will), she'd go and fight in a heartbeat. I couldn't believe it. Haven't we had enough death? And if they do reinstate the draft, the first in line are the single males and females--i.e. two of my cousins, and many of my friends, and myself. Soon after that will be another of my cousins--just recently married--and uncles and so forth. I don't want any more death. If they reinstate the draft, I am so going to England. I'll sell everything I own to get a one-way ticket there, then I'll live on the moors or something. I will not condone, nor participate, in actions that will lead us to war, nor will I participate in an actual war. I never thought I'd say this, but in my current state of mind, I'd be one of those seventies hippie people, waving around peace signs and so forth. If anyone I love has to go to a war, I don't know what I'll do. Luckily, we have enough forces standing by that we shouldn't need the draft, but who knows what this will all escalate to.
My brother has a necklace with a huge peace sign on it. I think he feels the same way I do. I hope so. As I keep saying to all the people who ask about my ribbons, it's up to us to promote peace for as long as we can. I'm no activist or anything, but I will not sit idly by right now and let further violence continue if I can avoid it.
Oh, and Nostradamus can just shut up. He can suck my ass, too.
Quote for the Day: "And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me, whisper words of wisdom, let it be." --"Let it Be", by The Beatles (Sarah can tell you who wrote it exactly; it slips my mind right about now)