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10:14 a.m.
2001-08-10
Desires
Something has been missing from my life. It isn't love and other crap from my boyfriend, because I have that. It isn't companionship from my friends, because despite the fact that I haven't talked to many of them since the dinner party, I still feel connected to them. It isn't anything really deep like that.
I need a Gold Membership.
I know it sounds petty and stupid and shit, but I am so insanely jealous, I could spit. Both Alex and Kate (who I didn't know had a diary until now, thanks Kate) have Gold Memberships, and their diaries look fscking awesome. They're both so pretty and fun, with all their meters and pictures and cool fonts and stuff. I want that stuff. One could say that, "Well, it's only, like, $3.50 a month/week/day or something," but to be perfectly honest with you, I don't have that kind of money. Not after I squandered all of my graduation money this month on things like clothes, food, miscellaneous crap, and then helping pay for bail, tow, and other things when I got arrested. I have seriously $1.50 in my account. Plus, I didn't get a job this summer, which I only regret because I'm poor once again. I could care less whether I had worked or not this summer. I've enjoyed being lazy. I don't remember the last time I didn't have anything to do over a summer. But the fact that I have no money to go out and do fun things or even just menial things really irks me sometimes. Like getting a Gold Membership. I feel so...out of the loop. I don't know.
Fanfiction.net is still down. I could cry. It's not like I have anything to post just yet (thanks to the Dark Scouts story, which WILL be finished for Monday, so help me God), but I miss the forums. I miss obsessing with the Lord of the Rings people and discussing Fushigi Yuugi with the FY people. I miss checking Courtney-chan's fics for updates. I miss "Dude, where's my ring?" and "Halloween at Aragorn's". I need help, methinks.
I have been listening to Alanis Morrisette's "Uninvited" for the past hour or so. I can never get tired of that song. Besides, just to be even more obsessive, I'm trying to choreograph a pair dance to it. Like I'd ever get anyone to dance it with me, but maybe Abby Clark and Xenite can take a crack at it in one of my stories that my fine friends never see. Believe me, you don't want to see some of these.
But I have tons of laundry to do. I can't wait to get to Hans's...then, I'll only have my own laundry to do, and the house will fall into disrepair, just like it did when I went for orientation. I pray for my immediate family's souls.
Quote for the day: "You cheating scum! You filthy, cheating b--!" --Lee Jordan, "Prisoner of Azkaban"