Avi's Diary Thingy - ver. 15 - Let That City Take You In...

9:51 a.m.
2004-03-19
Finding the Means

I really need to take some of those dead diaries off of my favourites list. But I feel bad, since some of them are just people who left D-land for one reason or another, and left really nice leaving messages and stuff, and I don't want to lose them. *sighs* Oh, well. I also need to re-get my Gold Membership soon, but where I'll get the money for it, I don't know.

I've known for the past year that I should get a second job. I run out of money so frequently, it's almost necessary. But my grades have been up, and I haven't been as insane (believe it or not), and there have been more advantages to my life to not have so much jobage to do...*sighs* I don't know. I can basically beg John for 40+ hours again, but if I only get 36 or 38 like I got this quarter...screwed for things like ISU and ACen and summer trips.

I'm feeling dead, or as close to dead as someone could feel, I guess. It's just emotionally, really, and I wish that feeling would just go away, but I know I'm going to have to work to get it to do so. I'm just so wishing life could follow the easy track, that I could just shove my bad feelings onto someone else and make them deal with it, and leave them behind and just go on with life in a different manner. I wish I could just concentrate solely on one thing--school, work, friendships, relationships--but I know that I have to balance them somehow, and deal with the ups and downs that come with it. Sitting and feeling dead and alone and emotionless and unfeeling and wronged and whatever the fuck else isn't the way to go for me. I know I've got to do something to make those feelings go away, whether by means that have worked in the past, or by new means entirely.

I know I have to do it. Now I just have to get out there and do it.

Spring Break starts today, so the updates won't be frequent. Just a warning for those who care.

Quote for the Day: "When I look to the sky, something tells me you're hearing me..." --Train

take you in :: spit you out