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1:21 p.m.
2004-03-06
Unsatisfied Child
Nothing's ever good enough for me, is it?
I can't just be content with what I have, and try to just enjoy life, can I? No. I have to be an angsty teenager, though I'm supposed to be past that phase, and demand immediate gratification. Then, when I don't get it, I believe that everything is wrong and nothing will be right again and make bad decisions about things that could affect (effect, whatever the fuck) the rest of my life.
No, I can't just be content, and think that things will get better, that there will be more time later on. No, I have to sit here and think the worst, and get mad about things that I shouldn't get mad about.
I just bitch and whine and guilt trip and cry and never allow myself to be happy and fix the things that I can fix. Instead, I focus upon the things I have little to no control over, and then get frustrated when things don't go my way. Then I cry, and make more people feel bad.
I'm not even acting like a teenager. I'm acting like a child. I am a child. I should not have the things that I have because of this.
I should just shut the fuck up and take what I can get. I'm luckier than most.