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7:38 a.m.
2004-01-05
Explanations of Sorts
I'm back. I'll probably throw an update on today up tomorrow, instead of the usual first day ongoing entry thing. There's just stuff I need to talk about here.
Alex told me a long time ago that the reason why she hung out with her crowd more frequently than us (equalling Sarah, Kate, Sue, etc) was because she knew where she stood with us. She knew that no matter what happened, she'd still be able to call me up, say, "Hey, what's up? Let's do something," and I'd be all like, "Sweet," even though we hadn't spent a lot of time together. I accepted that, and I still do about things of that nature. I realize now that I accepted it because I do the same thing, except that same thing is with boyfriends.
I'm a boyfriend girl. I don't deny it. I'm one of those loser chicks who clings to their boyfriend and doesn't want to let go, because she fears that if she lets go, he'll go, too. I'm one of those chicks who wants to spend a great deal of time with their boyfriend, because they give them the type of love that they feel they need to survive. They know that they get love from other people, especially their best friends, but they still feel they need the other boyfriendy kind of love.
I've always been that way, but I've never really realized that. I've also realized that not everyone accepts that. *shrugs* I guess that's the way it's going to be.
But this is basically a way to say that even though you said you didn't mind what happened on Saturday, I know that it bothered you, and I'm sorry that it did. But you weren't the only ones who were bothered. Just keep that in mind. I'm not a good time balancer, and I want to keep all the people I love together. I like having a lot of them in one place, 'cause it makes me feel even more loved, since I have several types of love surrounding me at that point. But I know that sort of thing isn't for everyone.
I'm going to try to not do it again, because it's not fair to anyone involved. I'm sorry to you all, and I'm sorry if it ruined your experiences.
Quote for the Day: "When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love, you'll understand what I mean when I say there's no way we're gonna give up..." --"Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5