about me
profile
100 things
extra
cast
family
schedule
rings a-m
rings n-z
reviews
links
9:53 a.m.
2004-03-05
Pain
Last night, I got mad at myself, and I proceeded to scream at myself and hit my head against the car seat repeatedly, deliberatey trying to cause myself pain.
Last week, with the whole check thing screwing me over for two weeks, I kicked things and wanted to pull my hair out of my head.
I don't know why I want to cause harm to myself. It's not something that happens with any consistency. I know that on some occasions, I've wanted to do so when I've gotten really mad at myself, but it's not something I've necessarily worried about.
The fact that I've been doing it more frequently is causing me worry. The amount of bad thoughts I've been having lately is bothering me to no end. I might be getting better at getting school stuff done, but my control of my moods and feelings is definitely slipping. And I'm never really mad at a person, except for myself, because of some overreaction or assumption I've made that's turned out to be wrong. It's incredibly stupid.
Yet I continue to do it.
I don't know. All I know is that I feel like throwing up right now, and my brain won't shut up.
But at least I found train tickets to Bloomington that cost less than gas.
Quote for the Day: "In Canada, glasses grow on trees." --Jacob, from Sarah's writing center and my Ren class (thanks, Sar, for the quote)